I think I died a long time ago.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
