I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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