Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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