Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
