They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
