James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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