Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
