i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
