Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
