my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize