My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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