I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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