And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
