the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
