end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
