no, he came in my armpit
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
