The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
