so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
