I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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