Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
