god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
