Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
