Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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