ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Found the puke drawer
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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