And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
