They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
