you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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