Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
