K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I look better un-naked...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize