Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
