So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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