Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
