so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
