just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A bitchslap is in order.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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