wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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