I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
