If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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