So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
