mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
