just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
