I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
