You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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