last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
