One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Help me help you realize you are a moron
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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