Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
