Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
