any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
