..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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