i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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