Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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