is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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