found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
