While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We have started to decorate penises.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
