I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
