Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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