Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Alive.
So much puke
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
