no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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