u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
