OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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