I must be too annoying 4 u.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
