I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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