Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
