What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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