honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize